Never Split The Difference is a treatise written by former FBI hostage and crisis negotiator Chris Voss. He got inspired to write this book after being invited to a Harvard negotiation class where he conducted a sale negotiation with a random student and on two occasions he back and forth succeeded in getting his best case outcome.

This book dives deep on these negotiation techniques and teaches how he used his expertise in the federal police to get that results from those Harvard students.

Key Takeaways:

• Active listening is foundational to successful negotiations; Mirroring the other party’s words and summarizing their thoughts will have you achieve the satisfying “That’s right” response, indicating they feel understood and are more open to your proposals.
• Empathy builds trust by addressing the other party’s emotional state, empathizing with them and telling them exactly what they think about themselves in the crisis situation is a fine way to hold them in the palm of your hand.
• Just say “No” in negotiations rejecting unfavorable deals buys you time and control and helps you emotionally concentrate on getting your best outcome. Chris Voss discovered using No is crucial to find the best mutual benefit.
• Everything in life is negotiation and it doesn’t have to be linear. Voss advocates for recognizing cognitive biases, reveals rules that decode deception and encourages you to uncover hidden black swans that can curb the course of the negotiation.
• Don’t compromise. Dish out deadlines strategically to create urgency. Call out unfairness by calibrating questions that pose open-ended questions requiring the other person to empathize with your situation.

Quotes:

• To make my point on compromise, let me paint you an example: A woman wants her husband to wear black shoes with his suit. But her husband doesn’t want to; he prefers brown shoes. So what do they do? They compromise, they meet halfway. And, you guessed it, he wears one black and one brown shoe. Is this the best outcome? No! In fact, that’s the worst possible outcome. Either of the two other outcomes — black or brown — would be better than the compromise.
• The beauty of empathy is that it doesn’t demand that you agree with the other person’s ideas.
• He who has learned to disagree without being disagreeable has discovered the most valuable secret of negotiation.
• Conflict brings out truth, creativity, and resolution.
• Negotiation is not an act of battle; it’s a process of discovery. The goal is to uncover as much information as possible.